It's November.  It's finally November.  It is noon as I write this; 12 pm, Thursday, November 1, 2012.  This time next week, the reality that the election is over will really be sinking in.  After taking a few days off, I am going to clear my office of campaign materials, file away notes on voter access issues, take speeches and debate quotes off my bulletin board, clear my head, and set my sights back on writing my long-neglected book.

And I decided this morning that I have said everything I need to say about who should be in the White House.  As of today, I'm resting my case. 

I have no idea if I convinced one single soul that they should vote to reelect President Barack Obama.  I tried, but either way it's okay, because what I did do was participate.  I got to express myself, and feel like an active part of the democratic process.  And now...  Now I'm going to indulge what has become a growing urge, creeping up on me the last few days, causing some confusion and anxiety, and finally this morning, some clarity.  I'm going to shift my focus completely away from analyzing the race, lobbying for my candidate, and articulating every last thought in my head about the issues facing our country.  I'm shifting my focus to being, if not simply a spectator, no longer a reporter.
A witness, maybe.  A participant.  Just one voter.

I think this election cycle has been harder on Americans than any of us anticipated.  The campaign itself - at least the processing that's been done about it on TV, in social media, and among family and friends, has changed relationships, even changed lives.  I'm not sure I agree with the popular consensus that we're farther apart, though.  It might be instead that we just know each other a little better.  We all got pretty frank about our opinions, didn't we?  But they were there all along, and now they're out.

And as often as each side bemoaned the fact that we were hung up on distractions and needed to be having a real argument about real issues, some of that actually happened.  I doubt if either side would be thrilled with the way the other described their party's ideals, but at least the question of the role of government in our economic system has been hashed out more thoroughly than ever, and people's real values around social issues have been more honestly articulated than ever before.  I can't imagine that coming to some joyous agreement on everything should even be our goal.  The country can benefit from some yin and yang, surely.  We do still need to learn how to challenge each other more respectfully, but maybe laying our cards out the way we have this year is somehow a step towards that, rather than an exercise in making it worse. 

And as much as we rail about each other's inability to base convictions on sound information, I think maybe we've all gotten a little bit smarter.  We may have over-relied as a body politic on blogs and Wikipedia to support our arguments against each other, but there's no question that most of us know more than we used to about filibusters, fracking, the Bureau of Labor Statistics, Middle East politics, and the US tax code. 

In fact I think we should give ourselves a collective pat on the back.  I have had many hundreds of political discussions in the past year.  For all the hyperbole and stubbornness and meanness, I have also seen countless examples of humility, intellectual curiosity, and decorum.  And this has occurred among people who are heart-wrenchingly passionate about their views. 

I wonder sometimes about all the credit we give to those who are more detached from the process.  Of course people are free to be less interested in politics than some of us, but I'm not sure that should translate the way it does into an assumption that those folks possess a capacity for objectivity that we lack.  The Undecided Voter is courted and interviewed and catered to through the final debate and beyond.  But doesn't their decision-making process eventually seem puzzling?  At what point in this process were you still unable to tell the difference between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney?  At a week before the election, what additional information does one hope to obtain that would finally illuminate The Truth about these two candidates?

I am so happy to be signing off as a campaigner today.  I am relieved to relinquish the self-appointed role of persuader.  I've had no illusions that something I write could directly influence someone's vote, but my drive to always be convincing and motivating is so strong that it is freeing to release it for awhile. 

I was surprised to find, upon looking back, that I published the first post in my series on this election on 12/07/11, almost a year ago.  I think I have had a chance to say my piece.    

So I'm kicking back now!!  I'll be watching these last few days play out as a highly interested observer.

Good job, everybody. 

May the best one win.

I'm longing for the open vista of the beach, and for the way being there will create one in my head.  Clean, bright, calm, uncluttered.  Space to breathe and relax, time to let thoughts flow unhampered.  Ahhhhhh...

Leaving for a week at Topsail in 4 days.

William and I had a great, very helpful discussion the other day.  He helped me talk through these problems I'm having with focus and approach to work and all that.  What he heard was a lot of confusion about priorities in my topics of interest, and in the way I want to structure my days.  Sort of obvious, I guess, but it was so helpful to hear him reflect back what he was hearing.

It's hard to capture all that, so I'll jump to the bottom line.  I know without question, if I had to choose one central theme to focus on, it would be race and class.  I am invigorated and driven to write about other topics as well, of course: foreign policy, Presidential campaign politics, LGBT issues, campaign finance, local politics, and many more.  And the whole question of civil discourse is fascinating to me, and I feel I have something to contribute to a dialogue on that, and on all the bedrock liberal issues I named.

But I am driving myself crazy trying to keep up with the news - and my personality being what it is, and my avocation being what it is, it's hard for me to turn away from current events altogether, and hard for me to get riled up about an issue without wanting to spin out a post, or an email, or facebook blog, or to have a big discussion about it over wine or beers.

So I need to let go - I need to see events come and go, trust all the smart people who are writing about these things, talk amongst my family and friends about them if I want, but not feel I have to take on each one, research it, and write something cogent.  This energy I have, this drive to address issues and communicate about them, it's a good thing.  William definitely has to push himself to see that me watching cable news is not a bad thing.  Oh, my gosh, that's such a funny dynamic to think about - who can blame him for saying, Julie, just change the channel.  But when I say this he does appreciate what I'm saying: that burning reaction, that outrage, that argumentation, it's who I am, it's what gets me up in the morning and makes me feel invigorated, and, it's a good thing as long as I can channel it.

I feel like my writing ability still has a long way to go, and even if I narrow my focus, there is still so much to be learned and said.  There is still going to be the challenge of learning to balance the long term, thoroughly researched major work I hope to do about race and class in America against the the topical, immediate issues that come up on the same subject.  I want to blog on those issues to keep my skills sharp, to improve my writing, to keep abreast of what's happening, to eventually develop a name for myself in the field, and to always learn, learn, learn - to deepen my understanding.

The most concise example of this juxtaposition I can think of is about voting rights.  I can't ignore the Voter ID movement happening right now, state by state.  I want to stay current on the status of these laws, and on the arguments for and against them.  But I am also deeply connected, intellectually and emotionally, to the historical context of this issues.  From Reconstruction and Jim Crow, to various suffrage movements, to the mid-20th century fight for voting rights, to the present day, I am drawn to research and read about the development of the inner-city classes and how that concept pertains to access to the ballot, and then try to use my skills (obviously not evident in this free-flowing post) to translate that and make it accessible to people who don't normally think about it. It is so hard for some people to understand why you can't just say, okay, starting now, everybody has to have a government-issued photo ID by election day.

Ach, I'm wearing myself out even right now.  Writing sentences that should have been separated into three.  Hey, I didn't say I was there yet with the focus and the discipline and the structure.  But that's my little task for vacation, and I relish it.  As is my wont several times a year, I am filled with the excited feeling of, hey, when I get back from the beach - LOOK OUT WORLD!!!

Late morning on a Monday.  For several weeks I've had in mind that I'll reserve Mondays for reading blogs and newspapers, and develop a sense of my focus for the week.  Instead I find myself occupied more with office tasks like phone calls, looking at bills and making appointments.  Maybe that makes the most sense for Mondays, I don't know.  But I gotta keep some hot news in there too - keeping my finger on the pulse of the big political issues in real time is what motivates and energizes me, so I have to figure out how to make my Mondays a balance of doing "infrastructure" work and tuning in to the haps of the day.

My organization and time management are better than they have ever been in my life, but there is always room for improvement.  If I can get myself working like clockwork - or at least like daily planner-work - I will soon be THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!

One thing I do know I'm going to focus on this week is the idea of civil discourse.  I have been mulling it over off and on for over a year, but now may be a good time to start writing more about it.  This political contentiousness is coming to a head, and has to give way to something better soon - I just feel it. We will figure out how to fight fair.